How To Deal With Cranks 101 - Attempt 1
Today Senn is looking at ways to deal with cranks. How is he doing this? Well, you'll find out in his first attempt...
- From : Alois Midford
Hello beautiful people. Senn here! I’m here to help you out. Because I know what you’ve been wondering all day long! You want to know how to deal with cranks, don’t you? Well, here I am! I’m going to try all your crazy ideas, search for the weak spots of it and hopefully find the answer to your questions. Because I didn’t get any crazy ideas of you yet, I’ll start this experiment with one of my own.
Can a can of soda kill a crank?!
I know for sure, you wanted to know this like forever. So, before I could start this experiment, I need to buy lots of cans at Foodelico. I apologise if you wanted to buy some yourself and you’ve found out they were all sold out. But it’s for the best, I promise!
- 1: Throw a full can of soda to the head of a crank;
2: Add a mentos to a can of soda and throw the liquor over the crank;
3: Empty the can and grow a dangerous plant in it. Give that plant to the cranks.
When I told Alois about this idea, to work this out, she was really enthusiastic. But when I told her, I wanted to try this out at some cranks, she didn’t agree that much. That’s why I went to the Training Grounds. The dummies you find over there should be my victim. When you’re in front of a crank, you better start running. So I kept a distance of at least 200 feet. The first suggestion was throwing a full can of soda to the head of the crank. I gave myself three cans to manage it.
I grabbed the first can, looked at the dummy and threw it… But I missed. Completely. The can spurt open and the soda spouted everywhere. No harm for the cranks yet. Unless a very, very sticky situation.
I grabbed the second can of soda. Getting concentrated before I threw it. And it definitely looks like I should ask Darius Romano for some more throwing lessons. The can landed a few meters away. And it didn’t even spurt open this time… That was a great failure for sure.
I grabbed my ego together for the very last can. I didn’t even give myself to think about it, just throwing it to the dummy. And.. I hit it! OH YEAH! For the very first time, I hit my target! I walked to the dummy to check the damage. My happiness disappeared as quickly as it came. The dummy didn’t even have a scratch! Such a shame…
Conclusion: Don’t use a can of soda to throw it to the head of a crank. The changes you won’t hit your target are really, really large! But there’s a change you get a very sticky situation out of it.
Add a mentos to a can of soda and throw the liquor over the crank
I was really looking forward to trying this out. So I took two cans and two mentos to try this out. I Opened the first can and nothing happened yet. But then, I added a mentos. I really didn’t know what to expect, but it wasn’t this! A huge jet of soda flew into my eye. And it burned like hell! Serious peeps, don’t do this at home! It took a while before I was able to continue with my research. I had to clean my face first. Everything was sticky…
Time for the second mentos and the second can. I pointed the can to the dummies before I added the mentos. This time, it worked! A huge jet of soda flew into the dummy. And… It didn’t reach it. So the dummy was unharmed - again.
Conclusion: NEVER, never try this yourself! Unless you like the pain of burning hell in your eye. And when you make it, the jet won’t even reach the crank. So you better eat the mentos and drink the soda before the crank finds you. At least you die with a nice breath…
Empty the can and grow a dangerous plant in it. Give that plant to the cranks.
I really, really looked forward to doing this. But I had a few problems trying this out:
- 1: I didn’t have any seed of dangerous plants;
2: Growing a plant would take years (in my case, they always die on me);
3: I didn’t have any cans of soda left.
Conclusion: So, I don’t think this is the best way to get rid of a crank. Unless you manage it to survive them for years.
Well, my beloved ones, I must admit, a can of soda won’t help you out when you want to deal with a crank. So, I will try another thing in two weeks! Do you have any crazy ideas? Please let me know! I’m looking forward to trying your awesome ideas.
Written by Senn Covasz
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Cornelia Briggins Ahah great!
Zoë Lawrence Oh... *throws all soda in the bin and shrugs* That's not an option then.
Sophia Lorence Genius! Using soda... If I come across any cranks, I hope I will remember it
Robin Carter I don’t fancy the burning hell of sticky soda in your eye! Daggers work just as well in my opinion but that’s only when they get too close for comfort. Best advice stay away from cranks at all cost! Awesome article!!
Kaylee Smith I've laughed very hard about this, serious, I love it! Looking forward to the next edition :)